As stated yesterday, now that I’ve been married for three years (and a few days), I can be seen as something of an expert when it comes to marriage… and, I believe, women in general.
Here’s everything I’ve learned about women:
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Love them.
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That is all.
Now that I’ve had three ‘successful’ years as a husband, I feel justified in sharing unsolicited advice with the world about marriage.
Ready?
Here it goes:
While there are certain principles within Scripture and common sense ground rules that should inform our marriages, people are different and every individual marriage is unique.
That doesn’t mean we should never seek coaching and counsel, but I think it helps us understand the kind of coaching and counsel we should seek. If our marriage mentors or counselors are sharing ‘what works’ only from personal experience it should cause us to pause—what ‘worked’ for them may not work for everybody… but someone who helps to see the joy of Christ as the foundation of marriage and who can help work through the tough stuff of life without saying, “This is exactly what you need to do.” is someone who understands the unique nature of individual relationships.
And that’s my unsolicited advice for the day.
Check back tomorrow when I share what three years of marriage has taught me about women.
Yesterday, Sarah and I started into our fourth year of married life together. In our first three years we lived in two states and three homes, have endured issues of health and future, changed career directions, known great abundance as well as financial hardship, dug deeper into understanding God’s leading in our lives, purchased our first house, adopted our first puppy, replaced various pieces of our first house because of damage caused by our first puppy … the list could go on and on and on. But I would not change any of it.
I’m excited about what our fourth year will hold and am thankful for the incredible blessing of heaven in whom I have been given as a wife and co-journeyer. I am a blessed man indeed.
<Image courtesy of bejealousofme>Christmas is coming.
Now, we may not be very far into autumn, Halloween is still almost a month away, and Thanksgiving is a distant thought for those of us here in the US. But reminders are everywhere that Christmas is coming and retailers are working hard to instill a bad case of the gimmies in every consumer. It’s a disease that strikes young and old alike, when raw consumerism and selfishness reign, and though self-restraint may keep us from actually verbalizing, “Gimmie, gimmie, gimmie…” the sentiment can still be found in many.
But The Gimmies aren’t something unique to the Christmas spending season or retail marketing. Somewhere deep within each of us is the desire to grab a hold of the stuff that isn’t ours but we think we deserve.
In Joshua 7, Achan did exactly this. He grabbed a hold of some of the very things God said were only God’s, and, as shared in the last Joshua post, the result was disastrous for the people of Israel. Achan held onto something that wasn’t his and the consequences were dire. His actions should cause each of us to ask if we aren’t holding onto things not ours… things even greater than the shiny new _______ (you fill in the blank) we desire when flipping through the Sunday ads.
Are we attempting to possess something that isn’t really ours? Do we recognize that even ‘our’ job is simply God’s chosen vehicle for his provision in our lives and that it isn’t really ours at all? That our job isn’t ours to squander or take advantage of; it isn’t ours to do with as we please… because it simply isn’t ours?
What about ‘our’ church? We often try to make church what WE want… either in the name of some sacrosanct tradition, because of ‘righteous indignation,’ or in the name of ‘reaching the lost at any cost’ when, at the core of it all we’re just fighting for personal preference and comfort… what we want when we want how we want. And yet, Scripture is clear that the Chruch is Christ’s body over which he is the Head… and as the Sovereign King, His design and desire are all that matter.
Or how about family? Parents (I’m treading lightly here because I recognize I’m not a parent) sometimes forget that ‘their’ children are really lives which belong to God and the parent is given brief stewardship over. Spouses are called to love, respect, protect, and submit to one another not because they belong to each other but because God has, in a sovereign but loving manner, given husbands to their wives and vice-versa.
We all too often commit the sin of Achan, taking the things that are devoted to God and trying to claim them as our own. To those of us in Christ, our call is one to a life of continued, consistent obedience, even in those areas of life which may seem too big/special/scary to trust to God. But they (and we) are His, and so is the victory we seek.
<image courtesy of clearly ambiguous>Beginning this evening, I’ll be preaching a series of messages for a ‘revival’ being held in Watts Towndship at the Wesleyan Church there.
I know it sounds old-timey, and the concept of ‘revival meetings’ has long ago lost its luster in many places… but I’m incredibly excited about this opportunity. The desire of the church’s pastor is true ‘revival’–”to stir up or rekindle a fire which is slowly dying.” The heart of the pastor and many of the people is that by dedicating a few pointed hours of their weekend to hear and heed the Spirit of God, a dying flame will be rekindled into a full-on blaze.
As excited as I am, I’m also a little scared: the people are praying for, hoping for, and expectant of a genuine revival in their hearts and church which will spill over into the lives of their community.
Why does this scare me?
I’m the preacher.
And I am very much aware of my own fallibility, shortcomings, and plain-old human-ness. If ‘genuine revival’ comes, it won’t be because of me… it will be in spite of the preacher. As much as I recognize work being done in the lives of others is only God’s to do, I feel a great weight of responsibility in preparing myself to be used… and a certain level of terror when I recognize the incredible honor I have and the truth that “every time you preach, you stand before a living God and dying Man.”
Hold on. I think I need to throw up.
<image courtesy of vierdrie>A little while ago, I shared my experience interviewing for a home improvement retailer. You can read that post here. During my recent journey of searching for and being given work, I experienced some interactions with the retail world that might be useful in informing different aspects of the Church world.
One of the other potential employers who needed ‘very open availability’ was only able to commit to five hours a week of work. Again, the pay rate wasn’t anything spectacular. But here’s how the interview process played out:
Pretty involved for a part-time, low-paid position, wouldn’t you agree? Much of the questioning and conversation centered around two things: availability and chemistry.
In a retail world, availability is king. If you can’t actually be at work when people are going to be buying things, you’re not going to be much of an asset to the company. The question was, “are you actually willing to commit to being here and making this a priority?” Through experience as well as recognizing the ramping-up for the holiday shopping season, this potential employer knew they needed to clarify issues of availability. Not being able to show up when they most needed to show up meant not getting the job. Period.
Remember, we’re talking about a guaranteed *five hours* of work a week here… but needing wide-open availability all week long.
Chemistry was also important. Everything related to serving in this environment was about ‘teamwork.’ Each shift contributes to the success of the store as part of a team; preparations for the next day’s selling activities are completed as a team; training is administered to staff as a team. The concept of the ‘team’ is very, very important. Someone coming on who is focused too much on themselves will have a negative impact on the team; likewise, someone who can’t take personal responsibility will also negatively impact those around them and the store’s bottom line.
It was clear this working together aspect was incredibly important… and why, I believe, I interacted with so many people in the course of pursuing a job offer.
When it comes to finding people for our ministry teams, we would be wise to consider these aspects of the process as incredibly important, too. If a retailer spends so much time checking to see if commitment and chemistry are so important before investing a small hourly wage in their employee, maybe the Church should care for these things in pursuit of advancing the Kingdom of Christ.
What level of commitment are we expecting from our people? Now, I’m not saying we push people too hard or too far; and I’m not advocating the idea that every member should sacrifice everything outside of church for church (that’s not really ministry… but I’ll save that for some other post some other time). In my experience, people rise exactly to what we expect of them. Expect half-hearted participation and that’s what you’ll get. Expect deep commitment from those who serve out of love, and watch them rise to the occasion.
How much are we looking for chemistry and teamwork rather than ‘rising stars?’ I got the feeling this particular retailer had passed ‘qualified applicants’ by because they lacked the ability to work on a team. Maybe we could take a page from that play book and again realize that a ‘qualified‘ ministry team member does not always the right ministry team member make.
<image courtesy of graylight>Over the course of the last few Joshua posts, some ideas have been shared about where victory for the Israelites wasn’t found as they fought in the somewhat well-known battle for Jericho and their less familiar defeat at Ai. As counterintuitive as it may seem, we discovered that the key to their victory wasn’t in a flashy move of God, attempting to conquer, or self-confident.
The key to their victory—and the key for us to find victory and freedom in what we face—is simple:
Joshua 7:10-13 (TNIV)—
10 The LORD said to Joshua, “Stand up! What are you doing down on your face? 11 Israel has sinned; they have violated my covenant, which I commanded them to keep. They have taken some of the devoted things; they have stolen, they have lied, they have put them with their own possessions. 12 That is why the Israelites cannot stand against their enemies; they turn their backs and run because they have been made liable to destruction. I will not be with you anymore unless you destroy whatever among you is devoted to destruction.
13 “Go, consecrate the people. Tell them, ‘Consecrate yourselves in preparation for tomorrow; for this is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: There are devoted things among you, Israel. You cannot stand against your enemies until you remove them.
In seeking God for understanding about the source of their defeat, the Israelites discovered the source of their victory: Obedience. Their victory wasn’t theirs at all but came about as a direct result of their obedience to God’s direction.
The instructions to Israel about how to fight the battle for Jericho had been clear: march around the city day after day (even though it probably looked and felt ridiculous) and then when the city was invaded the people were to dedicate certain objects to God. The source of Israel’s defeat at Ai was their disobedience at Jericho: they had only followed PART of the instructions. Even ‘worse,’ only part of Israel followed part of the instructions—for the most part, everyone seems to have very carefully followed God’s direction and acted within the parameters which had been set for them.
But there was one man who didn’t. One. A man named Achan took hold of some the very things God said belonged only to Him and claimed ownership of them for himself. As a result all of Israel was defeated; one man’s disobedience meant the suffering of an entire people.
Our personal disobedience never effects only us. Our personal sin is never personal. Our individual issues reach far beyond our personal experience. This is one reason the Church is called to judge herself and we are reminded of our existence as a single Body not a group of individual people.
Victory for us, our churches, our families, our communities is found in our obedience to the Lordship of God’s Spirit. This may be simple, but it is not easy—the incredible thing is that through Jesus Christ, we have access to the desire to obey and through Christ we have the ability to find obedience (and, therefore, victory).
<image courtesy of Freerange Stock archives>
Trying to get in the swing of things with a new job, preparing to speak in some ‘special meetings’ this coming weekend, working through church plant stuff, and taking care of life at home has meant a whole new time-management paradigm than I’ve been used to. One of the side effects of all of this has been that blogging has fallen by the wayside. I apologize to both of my faithful readers 
.
I think it will be a good practice in discipline to make sure that I take care of this online ‘presence’ regularly. This week, I’m trying something I picked up from Michael Hyatt, the CEO of Thomas Nelson publishing: setting aside a few hours a week to get all of my writing done and schedule the posts to occur regularly. I won’t have to let you know how that goes: it will be pretty evident within a week or so whether or not I’ve been successful.
<image courtesy of iboy_daniel>
Since leaving a position as pastor of a local church this summer, I’ve been hunting for work wherever I thought it could be found. Recently, I was provided with a job at a retail store, but this wasn’t the first retail interview I had experienced as of late (a couple of interviews led to job offers which needed ‘very open availability’–read “Sunday-Saturday 8AM-10PM available”–with very low pay and no guarantee of more than five or eight hours a week).
But as I’ve gone through the process of interviewing for and engaging with a job much different than my last one, I’ve been struck by some of the lessons/practices which could be used by the Church in its pursuit of invading the world with Christ’s love & power. I’ll share some of them here in between the next few Joshua posts. Here’s the observation for today–simple and obvious, but worth mentioning:
Discern Stengths and Abilities
One of the jobs I interviewed for was CartBoy (not the industry term) for a popular big-box home improvement retailer. You may recall earlier the mention of little pay and few hours and, as you can imagine, “CartBoy” is a position that mostly requires interacting with shopping carts. Still, this particular retailer knew that even CartBoys and CartGirls can strengthen or undermine a positive customer experience. So, before the interview for a low-paid, very part-time CartPerson position could be completed, I was assigned another employee who would observe my interactions with customers on the salesfloor.
Either I would be comfortable and able to engage customers or I wouldn’t function well within the structure and focus the organization had. Rather than wait to find out if I had no personality, the store mananger didn’t want the interview to go forward without a sense of my strengths and abilities.
You know what they didn’t check? My knowledge of pushing carts. Cart-pushing technique–and, oh yes, there is a technique–can be taught. Chemistry with the customer can’t. The store could have just settled for a guy or girl who was willing to push a bunch of carts, but the skill was less important than preserving the purpose of the store: to serve the consumer.
The lesson here: just because someone has a skill doesn’t mean they are right for a given position or service opportunity. We can teach whatever skill we need; but finding the right people and getting them in place is harder work. If we ignore this lesson, though, we end up with burnt out, tired, frustrated people with hearts of gold… when all they needed was the opportunity to fulfil their purpose and that of the church in a way that can’t be taught but is incredibly valuable.
<image courtesy of unapistim>
In our final discussion of what victory isn’t based on chapters 6 & 7 of Joshua, we find the Israelites engaged in a post-Jericho battle with the people of a little town called Ai:
Joshua 7
2 Now Joshua sent men from Jericho to Ai, which is near Beth Aven to the east of Bethel, and told them, “Go up and spy out the region.” So the men went up and spied out Ai.
3 When they returned to Joshua, they said, “Not all the army will have to go up against Ai. Send two or three thousand men to take it and do not weary the whole army, for only a few people live there.” 4 So about three thousand went up; but they were routed by the men of Ai, 5 who killed about thirty-six of them. They chased the Israelites from the city gate as far as the stone quarries and struck them down on the slopes. At this the hearts of the people melted in fear and became like water.
Israel had experienced victory in the midst of impossible odds; but in the face of a seemingly insignificant enemy at an insignificant town they were soundly defeated. The Israelites were confident. Brash. Full of themselves. But they didn’t look at the obstacle before them with spiritual eyes, and it cost them. Huge. There were problems within their own camp that had to be dealt with, but those issues were indiscernible to eyes which were focused simply on the physical realities of battle conquest.
True to form, the Scripture here teaches us something:
Those who serve as our superiors, mentors, trainers, and trusted advisors often seem to indicate that the more confident we are, the more successful we will be. I definitely think there is some truth to that, but we run the risk of talking ourselves into frenzied activity where we forget we are wholly dependent on God, and that, as great as we think we are, when we become full of ourselves, we destine ourselves for failure.
The battles we’re fighting and obstacles we find ourselves facing must be viewed through spiritual eyes (we forget that the spiritual is far more real than we may be tempted to believe).
The first time I ever went snorkeling, I was amazed to discover a whole different world— just as real as what I had been experiencing on land— thriving under the surface of the water. Sometimes, even from the land there were some indications of this ‘other’ world: kelp leaves discernable at the surface, tide pools evidencing various treasures, and ‘flying fish’ jumping from the water. But when we peered under the water, with masks properly secured, a new understanding of ‘ocean life’ came to be mine. For someone from the desert of Arizona, ‘ocean life’ had always been more an untested theory than a real concept until I experienced it firsthand.
For those of us living in the desert of this present world, the reality of the spiritual may be lost on us because it is sometimes seen only in brief, somewhat confusing glimpses. But when we view what is occurring with spiritual eyes, we are amazed at what seems to be a whole other world full of vibrant reality.
We must view the battles we are fighting with spiritual eyes, no longer focused only on the obvious or our personal confidence. We must see our battles as ones with spiritual consequences and even spiritual roots; as the kind of fights which can only be truly won if we are on the side of God, full of his Spirit and transformed by his Word. Walking by faith rather than what we see isn’t always easy, but it’s particularly important that we battle by faith rather than our confidence in what is seen.
